Tactics for Dealing with Toxic Leadership

Question:

I’ve dealt with difficult managers throughout my entire career. I spent eight years in the military and another two decades in construction, so trust me when I say I’m not easily rattled. But I’ve never worked under a manager as bad as Brad.

Here’s how he operates: He pits employees against each other by passing along “private criticisms.” He dresses employees down in front of a crowd, volume turned up for maximum effect. He hands out assignments missing half the information we need, then blasts us for not reading his mind. He passes criticism about us to the senior leaders. He lies. We all need certain software permissions to do our jobs; he has IT shut them off at critical moments, then swears he had nothing to do with it.

We walk around jumpy and exhausted. We’re afraid to ask questions. You might ask why we’re staying. The pay is great.

You might ask why we don’t go to senior leadership. Brad brings them results. They like that “he runs a tight ship.” And go to HR? Forget it, HR answers to managers, not employees.

So, I intend to tough it out. Give me some advice that actually works.

Answer:

You work for a manager who keeps his employees divided, rattled, and demoralized so no one pushes back. Unfortunately, because Brad delivers bottom-line results, your senior leaders have situational blindness. They see the numbers, not the wreckage.

Here’s how to protect yourself, regain your footing and stay effective.

Managers like Brad like to see employees flinch. Don’t let him see how he impacts you. If he tries to bait you, give him short, straight responses, such as, “Here’s the status” or “I’ll move forward once I get the missing details.”         `

Document everything so he can’t create plausible deniability. Save emails. Summarize his verbal instructions in writing. “Hi, Brad. Thanks for the discussion earlier. To ensure I deliver the exact outcome you want, here’s my understanding of the assignment.” If he gives you incomplete instructions, write, “Brad, I started the ‘x’ assignment and need a few details to ensure accuracy: A and B. Once I have that information, I’ll move forward immediately.”

When your permissions disappear, write: “I’m working on [task] and noticed the permission is disabled. I can’t proceed until it’s restored. As soon as IT re-enables it, I’ll continue right away.” Log the date, time, task, and impact. This is important with a manager who weaponizes IT access. When you track multiple instances, they stop looking like glitches.

Keep your document off the company system in a private file at home, so you have protection ready if you need it. You’ll find more guidelines and examples for creating effective documentation in Chapter 23 of Beating the Workplace Bully, https://amzn.to/2UNMcyX.

If he attacks your competence, ask for specifics. “Please show me what you want done differently, and I’ll correct it.” If you choose to document the public humiliations, keep it strictly factual: the date, exact phrases used, witnesses present, and the immediate impact on work. You’re building a professional record.

If Brad berates a coworker in your presence, a calm, low-stakes comment helps reset the atmosphere without becoming insubordinate. You might say, “I ran into the same roadblocks. If you need help to finish your part, let me know what you’re missing.”

Finally, you’ve chosen to stay for pay, but don’t confuse “I’ll endure this” with “I surrender.” Reassess your decision every thirty days, and if you sense yourself changing in how you respect yourself or treat others, leave.

© 2025, Lynne Curry, PhD, SPHR, SHRM-SCP