Forget That Resume Advice (a humor piece)

That other resume advice you’ve read — Forget it. It’s for people who need jobs. You deserve one. Any employer would be lucky to land you.

Proofread your resume? Why bother. You’re someone who doesn’t have time to waste. Besides, rules are made to get broken.

Less than half a page? That’ll impress employers. You’re saving their time. You’re a person who cuts to the chase.

Or add some skills. “Strong Work Ethic. Attention to Detail. Excellent Custer Service. Attention to Detail.”

References? List rappers. No one will ever be able to reach them, but interviewers will be impressed when they goggle the names.

No education? Dazzle with your good intentions. Write “I’m about to enrol for several online Business Degree with Harvard.”

What about those gaps? Explain you’ll share that personal information once hired but add “let’s meet, so you can ooh and aah over my stories of horrible supervisors.”   

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