Question:
I thought cleaning houses would be the perfect job for me. I was excited about being my own boss. I also figured everyone would love their housecleaner because they’d come home to a clean house, with dishes done, beds made, floors vacuumed, and cabinets wiped down. I knew I’d encounter messes, that people would leave things for me to handle that they don’t want to deal with, but figured that wouldn’t be any different that what I put up with from my kids.
What I didn’t prepare for was how it would make me feel to be distrusted and disrespected. There’s one woman I clean for who spies on me. She thinks I don’t realize that she creeps up to stairs and looks in when I straighten her bedroom. Sure, she owns more expensive things do, and owns more of them, but I don’t want her things, and I would never steal. Then, there’s the guy who told me before my first cleaning that he had secret cameras positioned throughout the house. I think he was warning me that if I stole something, he’d know. I don’t think he actually had the cameras, but his warning creeped me out, and I let him know I wouldn’t be able to fit his cleaning into my weekly schedule.
Then, there’s the disrespect—the people who cancel with little notice. One client even told me when I arrived, vacuum in hand, on her front porch, “Oh, I forgot to cancel.” Then she just smiled while I stood there stupidly expecting her to say something like, “Well, come in and clean anyhow since you’re here” or “let me give you something for your time.”
Yes, I had my time back, but there was no way I could put another paying client into that time slot, and she pulled that stunt on the week I planned to buy school supplies. Because of her, I wound up disappointing my kids. As I drove off, I figured she’d add a little something to what she paid for my next visit. But she didn’t. So that’s why I decided to write. I know I could create a late cancellation fee, but that doesn’t answer the deeper question. How do I deal with how it feels to be distrusted and disrespected?
Answer:
When new clients don’t trust you, it’s not you they don’t trust, it’s having a person they don’t yet know inside their home. Perhaps another cleaner stole from them or otherwise burned them. Don’t take their distrust personally and don’t let it make you feel bad about yourself.
You can earn their trust with your actions. When you’re honest, accountable, professional and competent, you build others’ confidence in you and create trust. Keep your promises. If you say you’ll arrive at nine, show up at 9. If you make a mistake or forget to do something, say so. Our straightforward communications and our actions define us in others’ minds.
Be patient and let your clients get to know you. It takes time, effort and consistency to build trust. When someone says, “I trust you” it means “your behavior has proved trustworthy, I don’t need to worry that you’re hurt me, and I believe you’ll do your level best not to let me down.” With new clients, you might consider paving the way for them to trust you by providing reference statements from your long-term clients.
When clients don’t treat you with respect, drop them. You can’t afford clients who “forget to cancel” and don’t tell you until you’re standing on their doorstep, or those who never learn to trust you. You’re a professional and deserve to work with individuals who treat you as one.
© 2024, Lynne Curry
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There are too many people out there who enjoy feeling superior to others and who enjoy putting others down–either subtly or overtly. I almost wonder what is their greater need–having someone to clean their house or having someone it’s easy for them to put down. These are probably the same people whose children at school throw garbage on the floor and maybe don’t flush the nonautomatic-flush toilet because “the janitor is there and that’s their job.” The problem here is not just feeling disrespected but the widespread lack of respect for the people who clean up after others, who ring and bag up their groceries, who pick up their garbage at the curb, who work with their wish-cycled and legitimate recyclables. It’s so much fun–even, or perhaps especially, if you’re a liberal–to have a group of people you think you can safely and rightfully scapegoat as being shifty and unreliable. Here’s a contrast that probably fits right in with lack of trust and respect. I remember the African-American women who would get off the bus that dropped them at the head of my street, walk to the houses where they worked, and then cleaned AND looked after the kids while the moms were out shopping and having 3-martini lunches with other moms. These multiply-talented, hardworking women shared their complaints and wry observations with their cohorts before and after work on their way to and from the bus and otherwise kept their lips pursed while they toiled. I remember wondering who was looking after THEIR children and hoping they had someone. Respect, thanking people for what they’ve done and the thoughtful touches they added, and trying to make their day easier goes a long way here. I’m afraid that dropping the disrespectful clients might pretty much put this (and other) house-cleaners out of work. But it would be refreshing and positive if it didn’t. I’d also like to ask: would some of these people’s points of view change if they had a relative who had to clean houses in order to make a living?