Only those who will risk going too far can
possibly find out how far one can go.
—T.S. Eliot
It takes courage to speak up, especially to someone who matters to you or who seems to have all the power. It’s hard to voice your thoughts or needs when you see things differently than everyone else does.
If you currently back away from tackling conflict and want to marshal your courage, consider:
The price of “playing it safe”
When you face a choice between silence and the higher risk/greater reward alternative of speaking up, do you tell yourself “It’s not so bad the way things are?” Do you imagine what might go wrong and let the potential consequences stop you? If so, you take a greater risk.
In your hesitation to travel outside your comfort zone, you forget that the real risk might be things staying the same and letting problems fester. You sell yourself out; underestimating your ability to handle what might happen.
If you have always traveled the road of silence, give thought to where it has led you. Six months from now, will you wish you’d trusted more in yourself?
Unlock the power of courage
What happens when you fear risk too much to move forward? Fear erodes confidence. Hesitation amplifies worry. If you allow fear to establish residence in your brain, fear not only moves in, it owns you.
What needs to happen for you to decide you’ll actively handle conflict, even if right now the skills and strategies seem beyond your reach? In my earlier book, Beating the Workplace Bully, I wrote “think what a brave person would do, and become that brave person.” The outcome you gain if you take this step is that you grow your courage by thinking your way through risk.
What if you fail?
Here’s how to never feel you’ve failed. Before you take a risk, consider the worst outcomes that might happen. Assess their likelihood, and plan what you’ll do if the worst happens and how you’ll shift the odds for success in your favor. You’ve just lessened any risk.
Next, check your attitude. I remember meeting with a friend who started his own business the same month I launched mine. When he asked how I felt about having started my business, I said, “It’s scary. I’m doing a lot of things I don’t know how to do well. What’s it like for you?”
His response came immediately. “It’s exciting. I’m trying a lot of things I’ve never done before.”
His answer changed my paradigm, reminding me I had a choice—excitement or fear. What about you? Is there a relatively safe but risky situation in which you need to speak up? Might you do it poorly or even fail? Or might you succeed?
When you try something new or take a risk and it doesn’t work out, you learn. You grow wiser and better. Once you learn from your mistakes, you’re no longer the same person who didn’t know what you needed to understand to succeed. Viewed from this perspective, playing it safe doesn’t make you more secure, it robs you of an opportunity to grow, and leaves you less safe than before.
Taking small risks develops your risk-taking resolution muscles and teaches you to conquer your fear. You never fail when you try.
What’s lost if you don’t try? You live your life regretting the risks you didn’t take, the times you didn’t stand up for yourself, and the words you should have spoken but swallowed. As Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” The bottom line: don’t swap your backbone for a wishbone.
(c) Lynne Curry, 2022
Subscribing to the blog is easy
If you’d like to get 1 to 2 posts a week delivered to your inbox (and NO spam), just add your email address below. (I’ll never sell it.) I’m glad you’ve joined this vibrant blog. Thank you!
What an OUTSTANDING column on a subject that all of us face at one time or another, or many times, or most of the time.
And the ‘change of attitude’ is a profound approach to overcoming and succeeding, or at least not quite making, but not for trying hardest.
The Gretzky quote is all too appropriate for most.
And, “It’s ALL about attitude!”
Dan, thanks so much! And I just finished next week’s column, on overcoming fear of failure. I hope you like that as well. My last post, Born to Fly, continues to inspire me:)
Forge ahead, as they say. These are inspiring thoughts, and of course, changing your attitude to see the positives in what you’re facing or trying to do is best. Right now, though, so many little things have fallen apart or become undependable, it’s a bit discouraging for me. There are a few happenings and changes I’m waiting for, and some even have a sort of calendar to them, but I keep seeing the blow back instead of the possibilities. Gotta get my groove back!
Suz, you’re too vibrant and wise to lose your groove. Here’s my thought–create a goal that re-inspires you. One came to me as I woke this morning. I’ll report on it on my personal author site, and then this one in a few weeks:) And it’s based on “Born to Fly.”