Question:
My boss plays favorites—and I’m not his favorite.
I’ve worked here for three years, always going the extra mile—staying late, jumping into last-minute projects, and delivering top-notch work. But when new opportunities arise, they go to Jake or Samantha. They get high-visibility assignments, access to exclusive meetings, and the choice client projects.
A prime example? Last month’s big client pitch. I researched and wrote the proposal from the ground up, yet my boss chose Jake—who’s been here less than a year—to present it. My reward? A thank-you email for my “behind-the-scenes work.”
Am I overreacting? Is there anything I can do? Or do I need to find a new job?
Answer:
Is It Favoritism—Or Something Else?
It’s frustrating to feel overlooked, especially when you’re putting in extra effort. And yes, favoritism in the workplace is real. In a survey of 303 senior executives, 84% admitted promotions aren’t always based purely on ability. Trust, comfort level, and personal rapport often play a role, https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424053111904009304576532352522029520.
But before jumping to conclusions, let’s break this down: Is this truly favoritism, or is something else at play? I once supervised an employee who alleged I “favorited” another employee. The employee who complained frequently arrived late at work; took a variety of personal calls during the workday, and left work early when she thought I wouldn’t notice. She complained about my favoritism when I told her she had to declare leave for her two weeks of vacation. She insisted she’d be working every day—and she’d researched HR laws to learn that if she worked part of the morning and part of the afternoon, she could claim salary for the day. I told her “please do no work on your vacation days.” She called that favoritism; I called it management. The employee she felt I favored—showed up early and worked hard all day; willingly helped his coworkers; took on extra projects; and filled out leave slips whenever he needed a half-day off.
Alternatively, have Jake and Samantha earned their status? Maybe Jake has standout presentation skills. Maybe Samantha is particularly strong with clients. Or maybe they’ve figured out how to make themselves visible in ways you haven’t.
Talking to Your Boss
If you’re not getting the opportunities you want, speak up. If you’ve not talked you’re your boss about what you want for yourself at work, he may not realize you feel sidelined. interested. Set up a meeting and ask what you can do to be considered for bigger projects.
Try these questions:
- “I’d love a shot at leading a project like the one Jake presented. What skills do I need to develop to be in the running next time?”
- “What does A+ work look like to you?”
- “What are the two biggest area in which I need to improve?”
The goal is not to complain about favoritism—it’s to show you’re proactive and ready for growth.
Change the Narrative
Great work doesn’t always speak for itself. If your boss doesn’t see your contributions, make sure they do. Try:
- Weekly updates summarizing your accomplishments.
- Speaking up in meetings instead of staying behind the scenes.
- Observing Jake and Samantha. What are they doing differently? How do they communicate? How do they interact with leadership?
Favoritism isn’t always about unfairness—it’s often about visibility and trust. If you build both, you can shift your position.
When to Take It to HR
If favoritism is harming your career growth or morale, you can raise concerns with HR—without filing a formal complaint. Sometimes, just making HR aware of the issue can lead to more balanced opportunities.
When It’s Time to Move On
If your boss consistently sidelines you despite your efforts, it may be time to go where you’re valued. A good leader recognizes and rewards hard work. If yours doesn’t, find one who will.
© 2025, Lynne Curry, PhD, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
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Great answer, as usual, Lynn! In my own experience, bosses usually do favor employees for good reasons and it’s a better approach to try to figure out what that person is doing differently or better and emulate that. I like your suggestion to ask what skills to develop or what weak areas to shore up- that opens the door to a conversation.
Thanks, and trust to me is such a key issue. (Although I’m aware it can be a cover for covert discrimination.)
There can be both good and bad reasons for favoritism. One place I am familiar with really did have a problem with favoritism, and it was the real thing. The boss liked two people he had worked with a long time and constantly gave them special favors and breaks that he would not give to anyone else. It was so in-grown and egregious, the rest of the staff started complaining about this to all who would listen in other departments. And they did have reason to be concerned. One of them was stealing items from long-term storage. The other was covering for him. They all ended up taking “early retirement” in lieu of being fired and perhaps charged.
Documenting your accomplishments and speaking up in meetings are great pieces of advice. This is a good way of achieving better communication and perhaps a way of getting advancement.
I loved the description of the staffer who came in late, took long breaks, didn’t feel the need to request time off for vacation, yet felt she was being overlooked and someone else getting more favorable treatment when they were “really so similar.” NOT, as your post documented.
There are cases of bosses always seeming to recognize one person’s accomplishments while not as much paying attention to others’. It is called BIAS. Sometimes a worker can get around it by asking what they need to do to get advanced onto special projects and responsibilities, as stated in this post.
Thanks, Susan, I had a real person in mind for that staffer. And yes, bias is alive and well.