Some coworkers bring lunch into the breakroom. Others bring judgment.
You’re reheating leftovers when a co-worker glances at your open laptop and spots your calendar—twelve color-coded blocks stacked on top of each other like Tetris pieces in their final moments. They gasp softly and gesture at your schedule like they’re unveiling a crime scene.
Before you can close the screen, they lean forward. Their inner TED Talk fires up. they swoop in with a time-management sermon polished to a shine. You came here for lunch. You got an intervention.
Every workplace has one: the coach you never hired.
They roam the halls (or the Zoom screen) convinced everyone’s lives would run better if everyone followed their advice. They lean in with enthusiasm, never noticing the wince.
Why It’s So Grating
Invited advice feels supportive. Uninvited advice feels condescending.
The unsolicited coach doesn’t read the room. They see something they’re do differently and immediately suggest a five-step behavior change plan, skipping the part where you might know how to solve your own life.
You share: “Today’s wild.” They respond: “Have you tried time-blocking?”
You sigh: “This project’s chaos.” They beam: “Let me teach you my prioritization pyramid.”
You blink twice: “My calendar double-booked again.” They raise an eyebrow: “Hmm. Let’s talk about your relationship with boundaries.”
What you wanted—just to voice a thought and perhaps gain moment of solidarity. Instead, your coworker enrolled you in a personal development boot camp.
How to Shut Down the Unpaid Coaching — Gracefully
Unpaid coaches only stay if you feed them. If you want to shoo them way, four strategies work.
The Polite Pivot.
Smile, nod once, and redirect like a seasoned politician. “I’m good, thanks.” Or “I appreciate the thought. I’ve already got a plan.” This move disarms without inviting follow-up.
Draw the Line
For repeat offenders, the ones who approach you with the same reverence as a life coach about to midwife your personal breakthrough:
“Thanks, but I’m not looking for advice on this.”
Short. Clean. Not up for debate.
Redirect
Advice-givers love a project. Give them one — just not you.
Try: “If you want to help, you could flag me when the conference room frees up.”
Block them with Humor
Try: “Careful — if you keep helping, I’ll have to put you on payroll.” Delivered with a grin, this resets the dynamic and preserves autonomy without escalating tension.
But truth be told, even the worst coach hits a useful point occasionally. You don’t need to swat every suggestion; you get to choose:
- which insights help you grow,
- whose “wisdom” belongs on mute, and
- whose coaching contract you never sign.
And when the self-appointed life guru circles back with another revelation? You only need one reply:
“Thanks — I’ve got this.”
or the firmer version: “Thanks—not looking for advice today.”
Short. Clear. Respectful.
The bottom line: You don’t have to let a co-worker run a personal improvement seminar on your lunch break. Advice with consent is collaboration. Advice without consent is noise — and you get to turn down the volume.
© 2025, Lynne Curry, PhD, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
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