Those targeted by bullies often ask, “why me?” “Do I have a target on my forehead?”
I know the feeling. My older brother bullied me from toddlerhood on. I married a bully husband, thinking him protective. I even hired bully employees.
Then I learned how to dissolve my target.
Please understand: You are not to blame for being bullied. I’m not excusing those who verbally abuse others.
My goal: empower you to take control over how you unintentionally remain a target.
Here’s what you need to know.
The price of nice
Bullies eat nice people alive. Bullies perceive niceness and avoidance as weakness and an invitation to take advantage.
Your gentle sensitivity and allowing nature reward them and give them a false sense of power.
Don’t ignore the truth
Many try to ignore another’s initial bullying, thinking that if they remain polite and professional, the bully will act professionally in return or leave them alone.
This ignores the truth about bullying — you can’t hope a bully will go away on his own.
Fail the test
Bullies test to see if you’ll allow poor treatment. Those who don’t stand up to the bully’s initial attack inadvertently encourage continued bullying.
Those who don’t allow bullying exit from the room, situation, or relationship. Others of us stay, hoping the bully will change. Unfortunately, what the bully does works for him or her.
Decide: Do you have “no” power, or do you have no power?
You owe it to yourself to say “no more” or “stop” when a bully puts you down or steps over valid boundaries you’ve set. If you allow disrespectful treatment, you hand over your power.
Don’t rent out your head
Don’t invite bullies into your head. If you take what a bully says or does personally or allow disrespectful treatment, you collude with the bully and abdicate your responsibility to yourself.
The solution to turning this around lies in you. Don’t collude with the bullies in your life who stomp on your spirit. You’re worthy of being treated with respect. Another’s bullying is not your BS.
Your challenge: handle the bully or situation until you’re bully-free.
If you enjoyed this post, you might find Beating the Workplace Bully, particularly chapters 1-3, 5-8 and 10-12 valuable, http://beating the workplace bully a tactical guide to taking charge.
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