Close to Success; Would Love Your Creative Wisdom

Thanks to you, I’m close to creating the 1-sentence “logline” for my debut novel (it’s needed to query agents).

 I’d love your creative wisdom & gut reaction. Which is your favorite—which would most make you want to the read the novel)?

 a)      When a plane crash kills her fiancé, a grief-stricken woman gives up on romance until a dating-site scam artist targets her—but then she becomes the huntress.

b)      After a plane crash kills Jess’s fiancé and her faith in relationships, she falls for a “perfect” new lover who tests her faith again.

p.s. Since the logline has to be true to the novel, so here’s the story:

 Jess Cassidy’s dreams crash at 43 when her fiancé, an adventurous pilot, flies his plane into icy mountains during an Alaskan winter storm.

Jess buries herself in her ten-hour a day HR manager job, until loneliness and her best friend’s prodding inspire her to plunge into Alaska’s dating pool. Then Jess meets Nathaniel online, a successful financial planner who checks all her boxes and expertly weaves a web of desire by subtly linking himself to what Jess loved about her fiancé. Even as Jess falls for Nathaniel and he whisks her into a fairy tale fantasy of romance, her HR brain kicks into gear signaling all is not as it seems. Meanwhile, Jess’s work reminds her she can trust her instincts and unravel difficult puzzles. She combats a serial workplace bully; supports an employee facing domestic violence; keeps an employee with cancer from being tossed from her job; and investigates sexual harassment involving a corrupt senior manager. Zach, the detective investigating a domestic violence case involving one of Jess’s employees, enters the picture. Jess finds herself drawn to him, even though he’s nothing like the “perfect” man she has in mind. Things turn sinister as Jess’s newfound love life takes an unexpected turn. Clues continue to add up, and the truth rolls over Jess in a wave. She’s been targeted by a white-collar criminal who preys on women using dating sites. All her life, Jess has been susceptible to “larger than life” men who could protect her. This flaw led her into an abusive first marriage and powered the attraction she felt for her daring bush pilot fiancé. This time, Jess intends to be the one who stops Nathaniel before he hurts others. She puts together the information package that shows how Nathaniel operates, and volunteers to be the bait in his takedown in a remote Alaska lodge. There, Jess must dig deep to find the courage that’s always been inside her.

p.s. p.s. Thank you again everyone, and particularly Dan Tucker & Chanda Green, as your comments and earlier feedback are incorporated into these two favorites.

(c) 2022 Lynne Curry

8 thoughts on “Close to Success; Would Love Your Creative Wisdom

  1. I like (a) better. It tells jut enough for a potential reader to have an idea of what they’re getting into and gives a chance to see if it’s the kind of story the reader might enjoy.

  2. B is so much easier to grasp. You catch the storyin a moment, and want to find out what really happens, and how it happens!

  3. Fun story set up and seeing your alter super-hero ego going for a romp on the pages!

    I like A… a couple thoughts… but I know zero about how to write a one line hook for books.

    Consider leaving out the “but”, and perhaps play on the juxta position of her past bigger than life loves by reducing the focus on the helpless “grief stricken” woman and add something to amp up the fiancés as an adventurous guy…and her inner adventurous potential.

    When a plane crash kills her adventure(ous) (addicted) fiancé, Jess gives up on romance until a dating-site scam artist targets her—then she becomes the huntress. (…then she her own adventure begins…)

    I’m reminded of the Librarian series that made a librarian an adventure hero… wondering if there is a way to do the same with Super HR lady…. And get that professional skill/experience somehow subtly into the one line…

    Ky

    1. Thanks, Ky, and appreciate your suggestions. Am searching for a fiction agent, and have started on the 2nd HR heroine novel:)

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