“After what he did,” she said. “Anyone would have reacted the way I did.”
“It wasn’t my fault,” he said. “I blew up because I had had a horrible day.”
When you lose your temper or behave badly in other ways, it can be easy to rationalize your behavior or pin responsibility for your reaction on the other person.
Except when you do, you hide from the truth. You said what you said. You did what you did.
When you own the part you play in initiating, maintaining, or aggravating an unresolved or escalating conflict, you increase your chances to successfully resolve it.
Why? If you admit your responsibility, you can fix it. When you instead blame the other person, you turn responsibility for changing the situation to them.
Consider the difference:
“I did it” versus “you made me do it.”
“I don’t like sarcasm” versus “you’re too sarcastic.”
“I was angry” versus “you made me angry.”
Which is stronger? Which is more powerful?
Claim your power. Own the part you play. Once you do, you can fix your part.
Then, the other party may do so as well. A win/win.. If not, s/he plays a negative game you no longer play.
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I’m putting your best part in the comments, just in case some don’t read all the way through, because this is powerful stuff: <>