When the Absolute Wrong Person Reads What You’ve Written Online

Question:

When COVID-19 hit, my employer sent everyone home. I hadn’t liked my job, but staying at home proved worse. I ran out of toilet paper and the paper towel pieces plugged the toilet. I tried yoga but my cat sat on my face and my puppy ran around the living room barking wildly. The biggest excitement came when I dropped a cup of milky coffee on my keyboard and had to google how to clean sticky keys.

I cleaned the garage, the closets and even the junk drawers, but soon ran out of things to do. I turned to the Internet and began reading others’ blogs. I wondered if it would be hard to start my own. It wasn’t, and so I did. I used my first and middle name thinking it would give me some anonymity, and after I learned to post comments on others’ blogs with a reference back to mine, people started reading mine.

That was so exciting. The numbers of reader views increased every day. I even got some comments. Early on, I regretted not putting my last name on the blog because I was so proud of it, but I have a long, very recognizable last name.

When May came, and we returned to work, I kept the blog going. It had become important to me. My posts grew more and more personal and vulnerable. The comments from readers saying I’d made them laugh inspired me to see more humor in my life. I started writing about hard issues, like my bully ex-husband, and how I’d been an idiot to marry him. I’d write about embarrassing things, and then think, Well, that’s out, I don’t have to hide that any longer.

Blogs are public so anyone can read what I write. Thanks to Google Analytics, I get statistics showing who the readers are. Because of the search terms they use and the visitors’ locations, I’m 99.99 percent certain that someone who reads my blog is someone I cringe thinking about (someone from more than a decade ago), who now has access to my thoughts and life.

That stopped me from writing any posts. I begin typing, think of him, and hit delete. I’m thinking of taking down my blog. How do I get past this? I loved writing my blog.

Answer:

That you might let this individual from your past block you from the writing that feeds your soul says you allowing him to control you at a deep level.  Either learn how to block him, WordPress or bloggers’ Facebook groups may have some ideas, or realize how very unimportant he is, and delete him and not your blog.

A line from Beating the Workplace Bully fits this, “If you wouldn’t let another person stomp on your foot or physically slam you off balance, don’t let a bully stomp on your spirit, or bump into and push you over inside your head.”

Think back to how you felt when you let your writing fly: I don’t have to hide that anymore. Let yourself be bold. Let your blog shine with your truth. Let each post say, “This is my life. I’m proud. I’ve earned where I’ve gotten to and what I’ve created. I’m telling my story so others can grow.”

You can also build your mental Kevlar by looking at your last dozen blog entries. What do they say about you? That you’re real, genuine and insightful? If so, we need your voice out there, connecting with others.

Here’s what’s happened as you’ve written your blog: You’ve developed the courage to express who you are, what you’ve seen and where you’re going. You’ve expanded your comfort zone.

Now, having learned this person reads you, you face a new contest. Embrace the challenge. You own the blog and can block him as a guest. If you need help, my collie will help you run him off. Most importantly, don’t let him block you.

You can even write about him and how you took his power away, though not writing about him might make the point best. Bottom line–don’t let him rent space in your mind. You’re the landlord of your brain. Evict him.

© 2020, Lynne Curry

Lynne Curry is the author of “Beating the Workplace Bully” (AMACOM, 2016) and “Solutions.” Curry is President of Communication Works Inc.  Send your questions to her at lynnewriter10@gmail.com or follow her on twitter @lynnecurry10.