To query agents, I need a one sentence log line for my debut novel. Which is your favorite (i.e., would make you want to read it most)? You can also vote for your second choice. preference.
- The last man who rescued her died, so Jess decides it’s her turn.
- When a plane crash ends her future, kills her fiancé, Jess turns her back on relationships until she falls for an dating site scam artist—will she turn the tables?
- When the plane crash ends her future, Jess turns her back on dating, but when she turns around again and discovers her perfect new lover is a white-collar criminal, she decides she won’t take it anymore.
- What happens when she discovers her perfect new lover is a white-collar criminal — Is she ripe pickings or his worst nightmare?
- What happens when a woman’s heart is blown apart when her larger-than-life fiancé dies, does she look for another, and at what risk?
Is there one you can tweak to make better (ex: in “c”, “it anymore” seems vague & weak, though I like this logline).
Also, the logline has to be true to the novel, so here’s the story:
Jess Cassidy’s life crashes at 43 when her fiancé, an adventurous pilot, flies his plane into icy mountains during an Alaskan winter storm.
Jess buries herself in her ten-hour a day HR manager job, until loneliness and her best friend’s prodding inspire her to plunge into Alaska’s dating pool.
Then Jess meets Nathaniel online, a successful financial planner who checks all her boxes and expertly weaves a web of desire by subtly linking himself to what Jess loved about her fiancé. Even as Jess falls for Nathaniel and he whisks her into a fairy tale fantasy of romance, her HR brain kicks into gear signaling all is not as it seems.
Meanwhile, Jess’s work reminds her she can trust her instincts and unravel difficult puzzles. She combats a serial workplace bully; supports an employee facing domestic violence; keeps an employee with cancer from being tossed from her job; and investigates sexual harassment involving a corrupt senior manager.
Zach, the detective investigating a domestic violence case involving one of Jess’s employees, enters the picture. Jess finds herself drawn to him, even though he’s nothing like the “perfect” man she has in mind.
Things turn sinister as Jess’s newfound love life takes an unexpected turn. Clues continue to add up, and the truth rolls over Jess in a wave. She’s been targeted by a white-collar criminal who preys on women using dating sites.
All her life, Jess has been susceptible to “larger than life” men who could protect her. This flaw led her into an abusive first marriage and powered the attraction she felt for her daring bush pilot fiancé.
This time, Jess intends to be the one who stops Nathaniel before he hurts others. She puts together the information package that shows how Nathaniel operates, and volunteers to be the bait in his takedown in a remote Alaska lodge. There, Jess must dig deep to find the courage that’s always been inside her.
(c) 2022 Lynne Curry
p.s. Do you know any outstanding fiction agents?
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
p.s.p.s. Although I’ve borrowed from my life for the novel, I’m not Jess:)
I like option “c”. It tells enough of the plot to let the potential reader know what they are getting into, it seems to reflect accurately on the story, and it shows Jess to be an action-oriented person who feels she can do something about events in her life, not a victim. I’m not as interested in victim stories with no prospect of getting resolution. The prospect of the romantic heroine taking revenge or at least getting away from a bad relationship is much more satisfying a prospective read for me.
D
I look forward to its release!
D. Summarizes the plot nicely and let’s readers uncover the suspense of wondering how she’ll outwit him.
Suz, Sheli, and Lorrie, thanks for your votes:)
You’re not Jess? I hope you’re not Nathaniel!
I like d. best, but suggest a lower case letter “i” after the dash.
If you use b (my close second choice), I suggest the following edits:
When a plane crash ends her future and kills her fiancé, Jess turns her back on relationships until she falls for a dating site scam artist—will she turn the tables on him?
Thanks, Margaret. I’ve been told now that I need to make all the questions into statements. And of all the people in the novel, Nathaniel’s the only one with whom I have no kinship.
When a plane crash kills her fiancé and ends her future, Jess turns her back on relationships until she falls for a dating site scam artist—will the target become the huntress?
Dan, I love the “will the target become the huntress,” though now that I know questions aren’t okay, it’s going “and the target becomes the huntress”
Dan, you gave me the hook I needed,
When a plane crash kills her fiancé, a grief-stricken woman gives up on romance until a dating-site scam artist targets her—but then she becomes the huntress.
#2
When a plane crash kills her fiancé and turns her life upside down, Jess swears off romance until connecting with an exciting stranger online who makes her life even risker than before. Find out how Jess meets the challenge.
Wendy, I like this a lot, and the focus on risk. And this whole process gave me the hook I needed (for a one-sentence log line). Let me know your thoughts and what might make it better:
When a plane crash kills her fiancé, a grief-stricken woman gives up on romance until a dating-site scam artist targets her—but then she becomes the huntress.
I like both iterations (flipping coin time – call it in the air) but would change “but” to “and” or “but then” to “now”